Title: Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies
Platform: Nintendo DS
Genre: RPG

So, uh, yeah. It's a JRPG, for better or for worse, including the contrived plot, generic setting, unending and unskippable dialog, extremely slow start and hours of hand-holding, "Mash Attack to Win" strategy, awkward inventory system, and amazingly boring grind. Why didn't I dismiss it right away, then?

Well, for one, like other recent DQ titles, it's charming as hell. I swear, 90% of the translation effort went into some of the most ridiculously elaborate puns I've ever read, and it never wears thin. Being able to create your own party is usually a thrill for me, but the customization features are not varied enough to make particularly interesting-looking characters, and since armor changes your appearance, you'll often be staring at four identical kids in silver suits of armor anyway, so it seems kind of pointless. It takes for fucking ever to even get to this point - you're forced into a sluggish story with just one character for many hours that make Persona 4's intro sequence look pulse-pounding. The graphics are all right, and the dynamic-looking battles are a nice touch, but they occur way too frequently to keep your interest for long (even though, oddly enough, random encounters are a thing of the past).

There's something about all that grinding that is still extremely alluring, though. Seeing all those green numbers light up at level up, buying that new sword you couldn't afford when you got into town, inching your way toward the next skill point upgrade...it's devilishly addictive. Oddly, this makes it a great portable game for short and long commutes alike, and being able to set your allies to have simple AI makes the button mashing battles less tedious than they could be. All the nice little touches on such an abhorrently terrible gameplay base really save this one, MMO-style.

Speaking of MMOs, a big selling point was being able to play multiplayer and take on quests and share in battles and stuff. However, there is no WiFi/internet connectivity, so this mode is 100% pointless. If you're looking for an old-school grind with some flashy new-school features, or if you love rampant puns and swearing fairies, rent and see if it's your thing (bonus if you can find a save file that's a few hours in). If you don't have the patience for that kind of bullshit though, then go back to P3P to get your portable RPG fix.